Your Opinion Is Not Needed Or Wanted – Giving It Is An Insult To EVERYBODY!

Some time back, I read a blog post that had 99% of commenters riled up in a big way… and it was this;

Your Dog Is Not One Of Your Kids – Saying That Is An Insult To Moms

In this post, a self-confessed “Crunchy Mama” drones on bitterly about how her kids are such an inconvenience and so much hard work, so how dare anybody with a dog (and I assume she means ANY animal here) call it our child and ever try to draw comparisons with her thankless task of being “mama” to her hell spawn.

So now I’m writing my anti-mama blog where I will be addressing anything I see that is hating on the childfree, I can finally really hit back at this “Ph.D Dropout” (Really? We’d never have realised…)

Say you love them, but don’t call them your “furkid.”

I have a dog. Two dogs, in fact. We got our puppies before we got our kids, and we loved them. We kissed them. We cuddled them. We bought them too many toys; we overindulged them with treats. We gave them silly pet names and let them sleep in our beds.

First of all – none of your business, lady. Secondly… you’re using past tense. What happened when, BABIES??

But never did we call those beloved canines “furkids” or “furbabies”. Because the last I checked, dogs ain’t people. 

Your puppy is not your child, so stop saying that he is. I have three children now, and I know this for certain — kids and dogs are not same.

Think about when you got your puppy. You probably picked him out at the local ASPCA, or selected him from the local breeder. Basically, you pointed to a dog and said, “That one.”

On the other hand, most mothers went through nine months of body invasion, followed by one of the most intense physical experiences of her life. Then they dropped a baby on her chest. It was all agony and joy and angels singing.

And even if you adopt, you go through paperwork and waiting hell before you find yourself weak in the knees, hands a-tremble, as you weep with joy when someone hands you your child for the first time.

Aww, MAN!!! I didn’t take (or start to take) a “Ph.D” so I didn’t realise. I thought dogs WERE people?! Are you sure they’re not just people with four legs and fur that say “WOOF”? Well, that’s me well and truly TOLD!

Yes, dog owners do that. They go to shelters, they deliberate, they look, they bond… and then their heart just gets stolen by one dog and they HAVE to have that one, they take it home and love it and care for it, and pay out for it, and protect it, the dog they chose!!! Correct me if I’m wrong, but you didn’t get to choose your kids, you were just given them and you HAVE to love them. I’m sorry you had such a hard time with your pregnancy that you call carrying your precious children “body invasion”. But it’s really not the pet owners problem if you have regrets!!!

Getting a dog just doesn’t stack up.

Yes, both puppies and newborn babies wake up in the night. It sucks to wake up and let a dog out but it sucks more to wake up and attempt to latch an unwilling, wailing infant to your breast.

Then, once you’ve managed to feed your bundle of joy, you have to get him back to sleep. The puppy doesn’t decide to party until 5am, at which point it’s time for another feeding.

Then there’s babyproofing. You puppy-proofed your house — you removed all things chewable, took up poisonous plants, and provided appropriate chew toys.

When I babyproofed my house, I had to make sure little hands couldn’t gain access to caustic cleaning fluids. I had to look for strangulation hazards (goodbye, Roman blinds) and put safety locks on all the cabinets (which are a giant pain in the ass).

If your baby is unwilling and wailing when you try to feed it, perhaps it isn’t crying from hunger. I’d suggest checking it’s nappy or burping it or whatever you do with infants! For your information, dogs have occasions where they bark uncontrollably, or just run about the house like a maniac at 5am! Same with cats.

You babyproofed your house – props to you! I’m sure all mothers and fathers do the same! What’s the significance here!?

If I failed in my duties, I’m not facing a chewed-up family heirloom; I’m looking at a dead kid and a DSS inquiry.

The stakes are a wee bit higher. 

Not that owning a dog isn’t high stakes. You’re responsible for the feeding and caring of your dog. Pet ownership is a serious commitment that should only be taken up by those who really mean to care for an animal for the rest of it’s natural life.

You’re stuck with your dog … except you’re not because you can leave. Before my husbandand I had kids, we traveled all the time — dropped the pups by the doggie spa, payed extra for playground time, and hopped the plane guilt-free.

I can’t just leave my toddlers. Sure, maybe one day I’ll be able to leave them with relatives for some overnights. But it’s not quite as simple as plunking my credit card down at the kennel.

You can mostly ignore your dog. Yes, your dog lives in your house, and yes, you love it. But your attention is not focused on the dog every moment it’s awake.

WOW, you must fail in your duties in a BIG way if dead kids are the result!

Now here’s where I start getting quite angry. You are clearly a very bad dog owner… other people are NOT however. Other people would NOT dump their beloved family members off at a “doggie spa” and then jet off “guilt free” like you apparently did before BAYBEES and would still be doing if not for BAYBEES!

And “you can mostly ignore your dog”??? Sorry lady, are you fucking serious?? If someone does that then they do not deserve a dog! And I’m guessing that is how yours are treated now. As a great big inconvenience because… CHILDREN!!!

Five minutes of inattention on my part and my toddler’s drinking bleach and bathing in the toilet.

If my kids are awake, I need to know what they’re doing, where they’re doing it, and what they’re doing it with. I don’t have to follow them from room to room, but it helps.

And at the risk of sounding like an annoying parent here: Kids do some amazing things dogs just can’t stack up to. Sure, you can teach Fido to fetch, but that pride is nothing compared to your kid learning to read.

Sheesh Ms Crunchy, you really need to get your act together!  Or stop being so paranoid. One or the other. Have you heard of playpens? I think the US call them ‘pack and play’? Amazing invention. You can put toddlers in them with a few toys and know that they’ll be safe while you turn your back for five mins. Try it!!

Congrats to your kid, but honestly… I really couldn’t give a tiny rat’s ass!!!

Both give sloppy kisses, but only one lisps, “I wuv you, mommy.”

Potty training’s more of a milestone. And can your dog draw you pictures with hearts on them?

None of this covers the myriad of things I have to do for my kids every day. My dogs watch me prepare lunches, read The Cat in the Hat, and wipe snot off people’s faces.

While my pups take their business outside, my kids require constant diaper changes.

The dogs don’t melt down when their favorite Star Wars figure breaks and they bite me a hell of a lot less. They don’t call me a “poop-head.” This is just one of the reasons I love them.

Aww, bless you. Wait till they’re older and are saying “I HATE YOU MUM”! lol

And really? You love the dogs you ignore and used to shove in kennels so you could go on holiday guilt free, huh?? Just FYI by the way, animals show their love every single day; dogs, cats, whatever animal a person may have brought into their family. With a look, a touch, a gesture, a woof or meow. And it will never change!!

I know you’ll say I sound like a self-righteous parent here.

Maybe you don’t ever want kids, which you’ll somehow make germane to the discussion, but which is neither here nor there.

Say you love your dogs. Say they make your life worth living. Say they’re your one-and-only. Call yourself a dog person.

But don’t call your dog a baby. Don’t call him your “furkid” or “furbaby.”

Because baby, it’s not even close.

Okay… “baby”. Lets break this down for you so you understand. You do not have any right to tell other people what they do in the privacy of their own homes, hell even if they want to shout “Rover, come here my little baby doggy” across the local park, they have every right. Without some jumped up little mummy who thinks she knows everything approaching them and saying “don’t call your dog a baby. Don’t call him your “furkid” or “furbaby.” I almost wish you WOULD say that to a complete stranger, and perhaps you’d find you messed with the wrong person and end up with a black eye or a broken nose!

So how about, you get on with your little life and we’ll all get on with ours.

Oh and please, for the love of God, have those sweet, innocent, NEGLECTED dogs of yours re-homed!!

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