Nobody Will Care You Can’t Attend As You Forgot How To Be A Decent Friend

Recently I read a blog which left me open mouthed, partly because of what was said and partly because of the horrible attitude the whole thing had to it.

The blog was called 6 Reasons We Probably Won’t Make Your Event and Why We Don’t Want You To Take It Personal. And here are my translations of each of her six excuses reasons she can’t make it.

1. We have KIDS!!! I know. I know. This one is too easy and a lot of people are tired of hearing it. However, I feel like most Need to! Especially those who do Not have kids. While we still love you, we also need you to know that you have NO idea the strange ish that randomly occurs in a household with children. A temperature that’s 2 degrees over the norm, or a baby whining because of a missed nap can drastically curve Mommy and Daddy’s care about meeting up for drinks and chatter!

Yes KIDS, you childfree fools! You know, those small, dependent, messy humans which also give us great excuses to get out of stuff we can’t really be bothered to do!  If our baby is miserable because he missed a nap, we’re not going to make your “important life event”, you literally have NO idea what busy life is like. It’s not like you work late every night, commute home on a crammed train, get home and have to do housework and cooking and then have about half an hour to get ready if you still even have the strength… you have NO idea, all this “ISH” going on here – so much “ISH”, we just cannot deal!!!

2.  We are TIRED!!! Like, not normal tired. The type of unbearable exhaustion where you fall asleep on the toilet and sneakily nod off while your child is reading “Corduroy” to you for the 678,467th time today!! Please understand that all of that Great Intention we had to make it to your housewarming just got flushed down the toilet as Soon as we sat down in one spot!

Look, you silly little single childfrees, you SAY you’re tired, but that’s just NORMAL tired. We feel the real thing, where we nod off on the toilet halfway through a number 2, or while the baby reads us a bedtime story. All of that “Great Intention” (is that a movie or a book? The capital letters make me wonder…) we had to come to your housewarming so you can show off how great your expensive furniture looks without beautiful babies to ruin it all, we just can’t now. We’re TIRED, OKAY!!!???

3.  We DON’T HAVE A BABYSITTER!!! Contrary to popular belief and practices, there are seriously only like two people in the Entire Universe, outside of ourselves, that we will allow to keep our children! Yes, we continuously crack jokes about how people can “come and get them” but ummmm, not so much! If those two individuals aren’t available, we will All stay at home! Period. There is NO outing serious enough to hound somebody to watch our children, or sacrifice their safety Just to say we attended the hottest night out of the year. Fail! That’s why we both went to college and had a whole lot of fun and got that all out of our systems! We don’t feel guilty or as if we’re missing out on anything. Sorry, but Not sorry.

The two people who will watch our precious angels are not available! They never were, even when we asked about a month in advance, but we RSVPd ‘yes’ to your invite anyway. You’re welcome!  Now we’ve reached the day itself, and, oh no, we DON’T HAVE A BABYSITTER!!! We can’t leave him with a neighbour who might turn out to be Jason Vorhees in disguise just to attend your “super-cool” party – FAIL! We never wanted to come anyway – we did all that single, childless rubbish in our youth, now our lives have MEANING!! You wouldn’t understand, you don’t have kids! We’re not missing anything anyway, we don’t like you and don’t like your parties, and we’re not going to apologise! Toodles…

4.  If ONE of us can’t attend, nine times out of ten NEITHER of us will attend!!! This is a hard one for people to understand, and we’ve lost friendships over the concept. We are Married. We are not pals, boyfriend & girlfriend, or side buddies. We are a union. A team. We make our appearances together in the situations that call for it. This isn’t really negotiable. If hubby is sick and shut in, so am I, and vice-versa. Of course this doesn’t apply to the token Girl’s or Guy’s Night Out. We respect each other’s individualized socialization. I’m referring to the things we are Both hoped to be in attendance for. This also applies to situations where one spouse may think/know that the crowd at a certain event is questionable. Again, nothing personal against You, but we choose not to put ourselves in awkward or obviously drama-filled situations when we don’t have to!

Now I’ll explain this slowly… you’re single and therefore incapable of understanding MARRIED COUPLE stuff, we’re not just boyfriend and girlfriend y’know, nothing as immature and unimportant as that! If ONE of us can’t attend, NEITHER of us will attend… unless it’s a girl’s or guy’s night. If it’s one of those, and something we think will be fun, we’ll go without the other. Otherwise, nope, we HAVE to be joined at the hip for social events.  We’ve lost countless friends over this, but we refuse to think that the problem might be with us, obviously those friends were all just unable to grasp the fact that we cannot go to these events with “questionable” clientele without each other. I mean, someone of a lower class might talk to us. Or someone without without children might try to befriend us… that sort of thing is not something either of us should have to endure alone!

Your drama filled events full of awkward silences are not high on our list of priorities – and no it’s not because nobody in our social circle doesn’t like us or know what to say to us anymore. How dare you suggest that!

5.  We actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and PRIORITIES!!! Not to rain on the parade of your $100/meal dinner party, but this week’s automatic tuition debiting from the Chase account, and the Costco diaper/wipe stock-up will probably hold a higher level of importance for us. I can cook you a fabulous meal, serve you a wonderful glass of wine, play some classic jazz tunes, and indulge you in the ambiance of my Own darn home! All for under $200. We still Love You though! 🙂

Again, not something you childfree singles would understand. You don’t have to pay out for anything, you live in a world where all your money is your own and you never have to budget, but we actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and PRIORITIES!!! Please note the capital letters and three exclamation marks, I really want you people to take this in!  The nappies and wipes we have to buy are much more important than paying for some petrol to get us to your wedding reception.  But I WILL spend an exorbitant amount if you want to come to our house, with MY choice of music, MY choice to wine, MY cooking and MY kids interrupting us every five minutes… What do you mean that makes no sense??

Love Yooouuuuu! 🙂

6.  WE JUST DON’T WANT TO GO!!! Yep, it sounds rude as hell, a bit pretentious, and will probably cause our invites to dwindle in the near future, but it’s Honest. The very few times that we actually get alone, we just want to enjoy each other! We still DO enjoy each other and we aren’t going to apologize for that. Sometimes we even just want to be left alone as a family with our boys and just relax.

Y’know what, we RSVPd “yes” or promised you we’d be there… but now the day is here, WE CAN’T BE ARSED and WE’RE NOT EVEN SORRY! We are a married couple in lurve, and we ENJOY EACH OTHER! We just want to be cocooned in a little bubble with our rugrats screaming in the background and just chill the hell out. Who needs friends, we’ve got each other!?

I just hope for her sake that her marriage never fails and she finds she needs those friends she shut out completely. I get that she needs to put her husband and kids first, I really do. But her attitude towards her friends is disgusting; “sorry, not sorry”,  “we’re not apologising”,”we don’t want to” and some of those “reasons” are straight up EXCUSES! Further ahead, when her kids fly the nest and it’s just her the partner she “enjoys” so much, she might just find herself going stir crazy and needing those friends… but they won’t be there!!!

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5 thoughts on “Nobody Will Care You Can’t Attend As You Forgot How To Be A Decent Friend

  1. This is how I read it to and the funny thing is that I went into it thinkings I was going to read something that I agreed with and understood completely. She really lost me on the last one because it’s like… I’m not even there in spirit, I just don’t want to be there. I am happy to see a good relationship and Black Love… but the rest is kind of nauseating.

    Liked by 1 person

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